Olympic Athletes Use 10, 000 Condoms in 3 Days. Olympic Committee Says Pull Out Method Will Have to Suffice
The Olympic spirit is alive and well.
Unfortunately, the condom supply is not.
After reports surfaced that roughly 10, 000 condoms were used in just three days inside the Olympic Village, officials at the International Olympic Committee are reportedly scrambling to address what analysts are calling “fucking like rabbits"
While races are being tracked down to the thousandth of a second, condom inventory apparently was not.
Sources say emergency meetings were held to discuss conservation strategies. Among the proposals floated: staggered social schedules, mandatory ice baths for anyone making prolonged eye contact, and what one anonymous official described as a “back to basics approach.”
That approach? The pull out method.
“We believe in athlete adaptability, ” the spokesperson said to the crowd of reporters visibly shaken granted probably from espresso. “If you can adjust mid race at 40 kilometers per hour, you can adjust here.” he exclaimed.
The Olympic Village has always had a reputation. Thousands of elite, young, hyper competitive humans in peak physical condition, finally done competing for the day and suddenly discovering international diplomacy of a different kind.
Historically, condoms are distributed at every Games as part of public health efforts. This year, however, the consumption rate has apparently outpaced projections. Trojan Stock has soared twelve points since the markets opened this morning.
The Games celebrate endurance, precision, and timing. Let’s just say some competitors are demonstrating all three.
Unfortunately, the condom supply is not.
After reports surfaced that roughly 10, 000 condoms were used in just three days inside the Olympic Village, officials at the International Olympic Committee are reportedly scrambling to address what analysts are calling “fucking like rabbits"
While races are being tracked down to the thousandth of a second, condom inventory apparently was not.
Sources say emergency meetings were held to discuss conservation strategies. Among the proposals floated: staggered social schedules, mandatory ice baths for anyone making prolonged eye contact, and what one anonymous official described as a “back to basics approach.”
That approach? The pull out method.
“We believe in athlete adaptability, ” the spokesperson said to the crowd of reporters visibly shaken granted probably from espresso. “If you can adjust mid race at 40 kilometers per hour, you can adjust here.” he exclaimed.
The Olympic Village has always had a reputation. Thousands of elite, young, hyper competitive humans in peak physical condition, finally done competing for the day and suddenly discovering international diplomacy of a different kind.
Historically, condoms are distributed at every Games as part of public health efforts. This year, however, the consumption rate has apparently outpaced projections. Trojan Stock has soared twelve points since the markets opened this morning.
The Games celebrate endurance, precision, and timing. Let’s just say some competitors are demonstrating all three.
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