LA Kings Mascot Allegedly Pawns Panarin’s Rolex Within 72 Hours

Some people say Gritty is the scummiest mascot in the NHL but that is simply not true... The mascot for the Los Angeles Kings has reportedly converted the new Kings super star's luxury gift into fast cash.

Before the arrival of star winger Artemi Panarin, the mascot wore number 72 on his jersey. It was his number. He had it first. He likely picked it for deeply personal reasons, or because it was hanging closest to the equipment room door.

When Panarin joined the organization, he wanted 72. In the NHL, when a player wants a number that someone else already has, there is a negotiation. Sometimes it is a friendly conversation. Sometimes it is a financial incentive. Sometimes it is a luxury Swiss timepiece.

According to completely serious and very reliable sources, Panarin gifted the mascot a brand new Rolex in exchange for the number. A professional courtesy. A sign of respect. A transaction rooted in tradition.

For approximately two days, the mascot was seen dramatically checking the time during warmups, tapping the glass with a little extra confidence, and making sure cameras caught the subtle wrist shine.

Then hell broke loose...

A Rolex matching the exact description of Panarin’s gift has reportedly appeared at a pawn shop near the arena. The shop owner described the seller only as “tall, furry, and in a hurry.”

The asking price? Substantially less than retail.

Witnesses claim the mascot left with a modest envelope of cash and what appeared to be a receipt for a jet ski down payment.

When asked for comment, Panarin smiled and said he hopes “everyone is happy with the arrangement.”

The mascot has since switched to number 00 and appears financially liquid.

In professional sports, loyalty is symbolic. Watches, apparently, are not.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Olympic Athletes Use 10, 000 Condoms in 3 Days. Olympic Committee Says Pull Out Method Will Have to Suffice

Image
The Olympic spirit is alive and well. Unfortunately, the condom supply is not. After reports surfaced that roughly 10, 000 condoms were used in just three days inside the Olympic Village, officials at the International Olympic Committee are reportedly scrambling to address what analysts are calling “fucking like rabbits" While races are being tracked down to the thousandth of a second, condom inventory apparently was not. Sources say emergency meetings were held to discuss conservation strategies. Among the proposals floated: staggered social schedules, mandatory ice baths for anyone making prolonged eye contact, and what one anonymous official described as a “back to basics approach.” That approach? The pull out method. “We believe in athlete adaptability, ” the spokesperson said to the crowd of reporters visibly shaken granted probably from espresso. “If you can adjust mid race at 40 kilometers per hour, you can adjust here.” he exclaimed. The Olympic Village has alw...
Read more

Druski, Caleb Williams and Jared McCain? NBA Gives a Big "Fuck you We Make the Rules” and Puts an Actual NBA Guard in the Celebrity 3-Point Contest

Image
In a bold display of authority the NBA looked at a perfectly normal Celebrity 3-Point Contest featuring Druski, Caleb Williams and Plaqeboymax and said, “You know what this needs? An actual NBA guard.” Not a retired one. Not a G League cameo. A real, rotation-level professional shooter. Because balance is for other leagues. Fans were initially excited about the concept. Celebrities bricking shots. A quarterback discovering depth perception in real time. A comedian heat-checking from the corner like it is a pickup run at LA Fitness. It was supposed to be lighthearted. Fun. Mildly competitive in a “please hit rim” kind of way. Then the league apparently decided that what this exhibition truly lacked was a man who does this for a living. Sources say the decision came after someone in the league office whispered, “Technically he’s a celebrity.” And just like that, the spirit of fair competition was escorted out of the building. Nothing screams All-Star Weekend like watching ent...
Read more

US Women’s National Hockey Team Declines Trump’s White House Visit, Opts for Western Wall Visit Instead

Image
The post championship playbook is usually predictable as an American: win gold, board a flight to Washington, smile on the steps of the White House, and pose for awkward group photos that end up on cereal boxes. This time, however, the U.S. women’s national hockey team reportedly charted a different course, declining an invitation to President Donald Trump’s State of the Union address due to “scheduling conflicts” and instead commemorating their title with a visit to the Western Wall. Sources say the real conflict was deciding between a traditional White House photo op and a rigorous day of birth right trip style sightseeing.  Hilary Knight, captain for Team USA said it just “feels right.” “I always dreamt of representing the blue and white, ” she added, pausing only to adjust her medal for maximum shine. “If I could melt this medal down into a shekel, I would.” The remark left her teammates wondering if this was metaphoric or just a subtle hint at futur...
Read more